There was a line in an old Irish soap opera that, although it was filmed less than two miles from my front door, had come and gone before my time. The Riordans, which turned out to be a forerunner to Bracken and, eventually, Glenroe. Anyway, the only line I’ve ever heard from show out at Flathouse was “Do ya remember Jem? ” ” Will I ever forget”.
Now cast your mind to what would now be considered old and/or extinct machines – video recorders. And one of the many compilations which were definitely staple diet at the time was Nick Hancock’s Football Nightmares, where the comedian and host of They Think It’s All Over strung together an hour’s worth of chaotic football hilarity.
Undoubtedly the most famous of which was the, eh, infamous newspaper headline during Graham Taylor’s tenure as England manager in which the boss was depicted as a turnip.
Slightly unkind, but only slightly. Hancock got plenty of mileage out of the former Watford and Crewe Alexendra manager. Most notably a clip of a half time teamtalk when Taylor was in charge of the latter.
“You got us into this f*****g mess, you can get us f*****g out of it”. It wouldn’t be difficult to imagine Jim Gavin and Jarlath Burns having similar conversations over the past few days.
Because whichever of them decided to amend the rule pertaining to phases of play when the hooter sounds for half or full time has got the game into a f*****g mess, and may it get it out of it, or all the remarkably good work Gavin’s group undertook will be overshadowed.
In fact, if you are comparable to Graham Taylor, you’re already losing. Make no mistake about it, even as somebody whose very life’s blood was incalculably reinvigorated by Meath’s league win last Sunday, Cork had every right to feel hard done.
Not owing to any such thing as what, in rugby terms, would be classed as a double movement. Put simply, James Conlon did not tackle Maurice Shanley twice. He took advantage of the ridiculous scenario as it currently sits. Knowing the clock was in his team’s favour, just making sure Cork didn’t get up the pitch in a hurry. If he hadn’t in the circumstances, you’d be wondering why the hell not.
However, where John Cleary’s crew could justifiably feel cheated by the system was in the fact that, having turned possession from our lads and ended up with a free kick to take, but only one second left on the clock to kick it. A load of balls.
What is most frustrating and annoying about that change that nobody wanted is that it only came about because the hand wringers were boiling with rage after Kerry played keep-ball for quite a while before David Clifford essayed a sumptuous score with the last play of the first half of last year’s All Ireland Final.
What’s laughable is, in holding possession and jabbing around the fringes until the opportunity for a sucker punch presented itself, Jack O’Connor’s team did nothing wrong. In fact, I would be of the view that their game management was a skill in itself for which they deserved utmost commendation, not derision.
Of course, looking through a lens pointed in the opposite direction, the point could legitimately be made that it was hardly Kerry’s fault that their opponents weren’t good enough to halt their attack and execute a turnover. Thereby giving them the opportunity to manufacture a score for themselves or put the ball dead and end the half on their own terms.
That said, I do understand people’s frustration with what in real time look like interminable triangles of handpassing. Furthermore, another blight on football which has either gone unnoticed or to which a blind eye has been turned is the practice of players either (a) soloing the ball on the spot for what feels like a week or (b) walking in a supposed solo ‘run’.
Now, Dublin in the Jim Gavin era came up with a coded signal (which was fairly handily decoded) whereby the player in possession puts up a closed fist to indicate a slowing down of the phase of play. But they didn’t actually slow to a walk or stop altogether.
So that’s one angle from which the Brains Trust need to consider another recalibration of the claxon conundrum. The other, regardless of Einstein’s theories regarding repetition is something I’ve been campaigning for and frustrated by for decades at this stage.
The need for the reintroduction of stipulations limiting the number of consecutive handpasses permitted. If not, the guardians of the game risk a return to odious Donegal-ball which they have already been trying to sneak back in under the radar as it is.
If it is allowed get anymore of a foothold, whomever permits such an abomination to occur would be totally deserving of Taylor’s turnip costume.
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